Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
