I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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