do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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