where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You can't special order awesome
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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