You're so nebulous sometimes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
