so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
