he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
