My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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