Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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