Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
