I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
