He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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