I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
