can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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