After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
