Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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