Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
