but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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