so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Couch. On fire.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
