That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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