oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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