dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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