So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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