i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
