i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
