I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
