I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
