I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
