I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
