Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Shame - the story of my life.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
