is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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