I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize