Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
