I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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