I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
