well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
