I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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