I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think a kid would responsible me up
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
