I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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