I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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