Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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