just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
