Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
