Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we have officially lost it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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