I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
