I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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