i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
