i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
