Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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