he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
