I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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