At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
