I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
