He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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