I accidentally burped into my bong.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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