Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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