You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
