You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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