I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
