i think i have two assholes
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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