I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
