She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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