Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
