I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
