this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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