so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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