Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
