The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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