thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
