5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
how does that bad decision feel?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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